Pity Party, Party of One

The last few days have been roughly tough and emotional in our house. It started with Mini's verbal regression and then smacked me in the face this morning with a full on old school style meltdown when it was time to get on the bus. As with most of his meltdowns, the trigger isn't really known nor does he verbalize why he's upset. Instead he does what we call wet noodle. His body goes completely limp and he shuts down, right down to closing his eyes. Have you ever had to carry 52 pounds of completely limp human? I have. It was this morning (and many, many other times), pulling his slumped over carcass up the flight of bus stairs. The bus drove off and there I stood confused. The regression had slid back to the wet noodle. It felt like we were back at the beginning all over again. And then I got mad. Mad at the whole situation. This journey is hard enough for families with ample help, but walking through this journey by myself 75% of the time made me even more mad. And so I stewed for a bit, and then I cried. Cried because I wasn't more understanding. Cried because I was angry with Mini for reacting the only way that his brain knows how. Cried because I felt sorry for myself. There it was. I felt sorry for myself. In a world that's falling apart everywhere you look, I was having a pity party for myself. I felt stupid. The way I see it I have two choices. I can succumb to the "ME" moments or I can put on my big girl pants and persevere. I choose to persevere. Although, don't be surprised if you find me in a momentary lapse of judgement...